Saturday, July 11, 2009

Big Girls Don't Cry...Usually

Let's face it: I'm a slacker. I've lost my mojo. Sometimes, I honestly don't care anymore.

In the past three weeks, I've only cooked about 3 meals at home. I can't tell you the last time I exercised. I don't even want to look at my scale. I don't have to. I can feel my body creeping back to what it was last January. Heavy, inflexible, unhealthy.

I know that's not what I want to be, but I cant seem to buckle down and do what needs to be done. I'm not sure what it's going to take. Whenever I try to get back on track, I last for about a week, and then something will come up and I'll be right back into my old habits again. It's like I can't even convince myself anymore that I want to be healthy. It's not even a matter anymore of wanting to be fit and healthy and struggling to find energy to do that; it's a matter of me not even caring that I'm fat and out of shape. How do you get over that?

I realize that I'm fully responsible for what goes into my mouth, and what I choose to do with my body, and I recognize that I can't blame my repeated backsliding on anything but my choices, but let's face it. This is hard to do alone. I don't have the person that helped me lose so much weight last year. And I need to find a way to do this without Dustin dragging my ass to the gym every other day.

The way I see it, I've got a few options. I can force myself to do this on my own--through SparkPeople/Daily Plate/Lose It!/Wii/Park/DVDs/blogging. I can join Weight Watchers and try that again (it's been three years since I joined, and I'm willing to try again). I can join a gym and hope the cost in fees will keep me going.

I'm not trying to be whiny and annoying, but none of those options sound appealing to me. I need to care again, and I'm not sure why I don't.



Try not to beat yourself up. You'll find your groove again. You will. And when you do we'll still be here cheering you on. :)

Sara said...

I told you, I can call you every day if need be and we could do what we were in the spring, if that was helping.

Crystal said...

Do you have a lot going on outside of trying to get back in shape/lose weight? Sometimes we have a harder time focusing on losing weight when we have too many other irons in the fire. If it's more lack of motivation, I feel your pain. Those streaks come and go and pretty soon you're going to wake up ready to hit the park trails or kick some butt on the Wii. Try not to get too discouraged. You can do it!