Thursday, February 26, 2009

Day 1/40: Bellydance

I promised Fat Bridesmaid (okay, and myself, too) that I'd give up laziness for Lent. I'm not really a practicing Christian (or Jew or Buddhist or Deist), but it seems as good as time as any to give up something I love: sitting on my ass.

Additional bonus? Dustin and I won some free photography from Ellie at Bird In Hand Photography, one of our favorite photographers we're considering for our wedding. (You can read our winning entry here, and for more of our wedding-y goodness, read our wedding blog!) We're shooting (ha!) to have our session while I'm home for Spring Break, so this gives me just about three weeks to really get my butt in gear and lose a few more pounds.

I dowloaded the Lose it! application for my phone, and I've started tracking my calorie intake again. I used to do this all the time on, and as much as I love their community, their mobile site just isn't as user-friendly as Lose It!

So today? 35 minutes of Bellydance for Wimps, and this is my daily summary:

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Giving Up Laziness

Dear Ashley,
It's your Smarter Self again, and I'd like to show you something.
This is not a breakfast. Or a lunch. Or a dinner.These are your cookbooks and fabulous copies of "Simple and Delicious." Why aren't you using them?These are your workout clothes! They're comfy and some have a neat pocket for a key. So far, you've only slept in them. See all those t-shirts? You never wear them. Look, sports bras! Including one you got for free! These are way comfier than those underwire things, but they make you look like you have a uni-boob. Good thing you only wear them when you work out.
And these sneakers? It's time for some new ones, but these have your medical information written inside the sole. How handy! Too bad you never wear them, so no one will know that your blood type is O+ unless you wear them (and subsequently take them off).
Look at this awesome water bottle. You paid for it, so you might as well use it.
And this yoga mat! It's purple, and has a strap! Ignore the fact that your cats almost chewed through it, and use it anyway. You even went all out and got the yoga strap and block! And a jump rope! You could do this for hours as a 5th grader, and then you got all doughy in middle school when it was no longer cool to jump rope. Time to take back old school recess games. You don't like any of the cool girls from middle school, anyway.And look at all these fabulous fitness DVDs! Tae Bo with a sexy sculpted man! Yoga! Bellydance!! And look, the Carmen Electra Striptease DVDs you've completely ignored because you feel silly. Guess what, hon? You're sexy, but you don't know how to striptease, so get on it.

Oh, one more thing, Ashley. You told Fat Bridesmaid you were gonna work out with her for 40 days straight. You can't let that woman down. She's one badass babe. Get off your ass and move, woman!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Note to Self

Dear Ashley,
I know you love your new running capris, but guess what? There's a reason they're called running leggings. They're for running! Or at least jogging. Guess what they're no for? Sleeping. Lounging. Showing off how cute your ass is. When you put them on, you should be going to the park! Not sitting on your cat-fur covered chair eating Candy Hearts. Because guess what? After too many candy hearts and not enough running, your ass won't be that cute anymore.
Love always,
Your Smarter Self

Monday, February 9, 2009


Before I start, you should know about Lynn. She's raising money for the Susan G. Komen Walk for the Cure, which she'll take part in. Go here before you read my self-interested rambles, mmmkay?

Okay, wow. Why is Week 2 so much harder than Week 1?

The minute I started running, my entire body felt like it was full of sand--heavy, capable of moving, but not of its own accord. I stopped running 10 or so seconds before the ending signal twice, and completely skipped the 5-minute cool down. Yeah, I know, but at least I stretched.

So obviously, I'll be redoing Week 2, Day 1 until I get it. There's no point in my moving on to Week 3 when I so obviously need the extra time on Week 2!

Also, all running pants should come with drawstrings so you don't show your underwear to old men. They should also come with pockets so you don't put your iPhone/Running Prompt podcast in between your boobs at an uncomfortable angle.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Chub Rub and Other Sensations

Sensation #1: Shock!
Week 1, Day 3 DONE!
I had to write that first, because I don't think I would've had the guts to say it later.

Sensation #2: Whupped.
I feel so completely whupped by today's run, it feels like I didn't do it. Ironic, because if I hadn't done it, I wouldn't feel this whupped. Today's run was the hardest (physically). I didn't experience nearly the self-defeating mindfucks I had on Wednesday, which helped me push it through today. I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. (Note to self: do not eat a baked potato before you run.)

Sensation #3: Brickiness.
My legs feel like bricks. It was seriously an effort to be able to break on the drive home. I'd be completely convinced my legs were bricks if it weren't for that unpleasant sensation on my thighs. Yes, I'm sure we know this feeling well, which brings us to

Sensation #4: chub rub!
I've been wearing pants to run because it's been freezing, but today, the temperature miraculously spiked to 68, so shorts it was! Never again. Well, at least not until my thighs don't rub together. Actually, I don't know of a time when my thighs didn't rub together. Is this even physically possible? Something to consider when I don't want to go on Sunday's run....

But seriously, is there a pair of running shorts that won't ride up to ridiculous extremes when a girl with rubbing together thighs runs? I would feel great happiness if there were.

I got this text from Dustin-fiance while writing this post: "441.7 calories, 33 minutes. Whew. I'm drenched." He'd been at the gym while I was at the park. I love that man.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Wow, I Smell Really Bad

I just got back from Week 1, Day 2 of Couch to 5K. Yeah, I know, I completed Day 2 a full week after Day 1, but we're going to roll with it. I am tired. I'll be sore tomorrow. I'm sweaty and really, really smelly (like wow, I didn't think my body could smell that bad smelly). But I did it. And I didn't stop early, not even once (not even when I thought I was on the 5-minute walk-to-cool-down bit, and I was surprised with one more "Jog for 30 seconds!" bit)!

So while today was a physically easier, I'm pretty sure my mind wasn't in the right place. When I started running today, I felt like the fat kid at P.E. No matter how overweight I've been, and no matter how out of shape I am, I've never felt like the person that just couldn't do it. Today, I did, and I don't want to feel like that ever again. Last week (and maybe it's because it was still Day 1 and I was being naive), even though I felt like I just.couldn't.keep.running, I tried, and usually made it, and the next time the faster techno music signaled to run for 30 seconds, it didn't occur to me that I might not make it until I was just a few seconds shy from the 30 second mark. This week, I felt like that while I was still walking. So even though this week was actually easier physically than last week, it felt like such a mountainous challenge compared with last week's. And even more, nothing about the routine had changed.

It was all in my head, and I'm not sure why. Even at 214 pounds, with my doctor kindly telling me to get off my ass, I had pretty good self-esteem. I know I'm a gorgeous girl, I'm funny and smart, and even though my body overweight and out of shape, that's not who I am. I wouldn't be able to do this if I didn't love myself (which is why I ALWAYS harp on people who are beating themselves up). So it was just very strange to hear myself thinking "you can't do this; you're too fat; you're not gonna make it; you'll never be healthy or thin" today. It took all of my strength to stop thinking those self-abusive thoughts and search for the things that would encourage me. Today? It was noticing how good my shadow looked while running. At least it looked like it knew what it was doing.

So that's that, then. Week 1, Day 2 DONE. Here's to Friday finally wrapping up Week One of this thing (If I can make it to Friday, it will be the furthest I've ever gotten with C25K--I've started it twice before, and never made it past Day 2).

Monday, February 2, 2009

"In Defense of Food" Winner!

Congrats to Alisha! She doesn't have a blog, but she's been a regular commenter around here for a while. Hope you enjoy! (E-mail me with your address, and I'll get the book to you in the mail this week!)

Everyone else, thanks for stopping by. I love your readership, and it warms my day when I see that you guys so regularly chip in.