Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Letter of Complaint

Dear Breasts,
We need to talk. You see, I've begun to rethink our friendship. We've simply been together for too long. This relationship has just gotten too big for me. Really. It's just too much for me to handle. I want to go back to the way we used to be--me, with my naive high school ways, I just assumed we'd always we would stay the way we were. I hoped we could keep our cute, perky, 36-C relationship. I was fine with our friendship growing, for a while, but now it's just too big. I mean, I thought you would stop once we got to the 40DDD stage, and I even got hopeful when we got down to 38DDD, but when I saw our friendship just wasn't fitting any more, I decided to have us professionally evaluated. And you know what, Breasts? 36H just isn't going to work for me. 36H is just too big. 36H is too big to shop for, too expensive, and too painful, especially when my back is carrying all the weight. What I want to know, Boobs, is why you've decided to make our friendship grow when the rest of my body and I are taking it slow, shrinking things down a bit. I mean, c'mon. Where's the limit? Are you shooting for a record or something? It's time to cool it, shrink back down a little. I don't want to have to pay for our therapy.
Think about it,


Anonymous said...

Oh my! I didn't know there was such a thing as H!

I did have a friend in high school who had the smallest body, but the biggest boobs. Everyone envied her, until by her late 20's she had to wear two bras and even go to sleep wearing a bra!

Mine are just saggy! :D

Dustin said...

*Insert comment about how you are my dream girl here*

Amy S. said...

Wow, just found your blog today thanks to Shanna, but I had mine "professionally removed"-there has to be a more fun name for that, and insurance paid for it all (less a deductible). I just had to have a referral from my family doctor. Good luck!