Monday, October 6, 2008


I realize I've been a bit inconsistent with the blogging lately- I apologize! I finally got caught up with last week's schoolwork, only to have the kitties chew through the cable to my power adapter for my laptop, so I couldn't use my laptop, even though I had the time.

I did weigh-in this morning, and it's been falling steadily (by .2 lb increments) all week, so I am lighter this week, but by how much, I can't say. I don't remember!

Unfortunately, emotionally, I'm not much better off. I do want to thank Inny, Crystal, Karyn, and Kathleen for the positive vibes sent my way on my last post. I'm trying!!!! I've been trying to stay strong, trying to keep my mind off how much I miss Dustin, but it's not working. In fact, today, I'm pretty much losing it, which I hate to admit. In class tonight, just in passing, a classmate mentioned talking about our assignment with his wife. Seriously, I almost lost it, right then in there. And he only mentioned talking about his homework!

I finally got my new power adapter in the mail this afternoon when I got home from class, so of course, the first thing I do is get on Skype and start a video chat with Dustin. I *REALLY* lost it then. I can't help it! Tonight was his mom's birthday, so their whole family have been enjoying a night of celebration. I want to be there. Or, I want them to be here.

And of course, me feeling miserable means I want to stuff my face. Thank goodness I don't have any more junk in the house, because I could seriously go for some ice cream and Doritos right now. I'm trying to convince myself NOT to go to the grocery store for that junk! It's like I told Dustin tonight, when he asked how eating bad food makes sense to me when I feel bad (oh to not be an emotional eater!), "If I can't be happy on the inside, I want to put happy in my mouth." Which sounds dirty, I just realized. But that's really how I'm operating right now. I feel a little stress, a whole lotta missing my hunny, and all I can think about doing to ease the misery is moose tracks ice cream and cool ranch doritos.

Ack, I grumbled and mumbled again. I promise some happiness for my next post!!!


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear how sad you are! I know there really isn't anything I can say in this situation to make you feel better. I wish there was!

I am a major emotional eater too! What I have started trying to do, is #1 Don't bring the food in the house! And #2- go for a walk or exercise when I feel crappy (you may have to physically FORCE yourself to do this) Then, if you STILL want a treat, indulge.

Try to use this time to better yourself. Trust me when I say, one day, you are going to look back at all this "alone" time and wish you had taken advantage of it. You know what I mean?

{{huge hugs}}

ambika said...

I honestly think I'd have an anyeurism if one of the cats at thru the power cord--I do enough damage to the things on my own.

And oh, the weight thing, don't even get me started. Hugs & encouragement to you. And thank you for delurking.

Crystal said...

Distance sucks big time and those moments when you know the whole family is together can be torture because you want to be there so much. I feel your's very hard to be so far away from everyone.

Try your best to keep your eyes on the prize (lame, I know) and keep yourself focused on why you are there and what you need to do.

Hope you fight those Doritos demons and conquer. Be strong chica!