Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Giving Up Laziness

Dear Ashley,
It's your Smarter Self again, and I'd like to show you something.
This is not a breakfast. Or a lunch. Or a dinner.These are your cookbooks and fabulous copies of "Simple and Delicious." Why aren't you using them?These are your workout clothes! They're comfy and some have a neat pocket for a key. So far, you've only slept in them. See all those t-shirts? You never wear them. Look, sports bras! Including one you got for free! These are way comfier than those underwire things, but they make you look like you have a uni-boob. Good thing you only wear them when you work out.
And these sneakers? It's time for some new ones, but these have your medical information written inside the sole. How handy! Too bad you never wear them, so no one will know that your blood type is O+ unless you wear them (and subsequently take them off).
Look at this awesome water bottle. You paid for it, so you might as well use it.
And this yoga mat! It's purple, and has a strap! Ignore the fact that your cats almost chewed through it, and use it anyway. You even went all out and got the yoga strap and block! And a jump rope! You could do this for hours as a 5th grader, and then you got all doughy in middle school when it was no longer cool to jump rope. Time to take back old school recess games. You don't like any of the cool girls from middle school, anyway.And look at all these fabulous fitness DVDs! Tae Bo with a sexy sculpted man! Yoga! Bellydance!! And look, the Carmen Electra Striptease DVDs you've completely ignored because you feel silly. Guess what, hon? You're sexy, but you don't know how to striptease, so get on it.

Oh, one more thing, Ashley. You told Fat Bridesmaid you were gonna work out with her for 40 days straight. You can't let that woman down. She's one badass babe. Get off your ass and move, woman!