Step aside, Jillian...

...because the people at Self may be just as cruel.

I just completed the Self Bikini Ready, Fast workout, and ohmygoodness. As Juno said in the delivery room, "Ow, Ow, Fuckkity OW!!!" Let the record show that it is after 1 AM, and I was am so committed to getting my workout done EACH and EVERY SINGLE DAY, that I started working out at 12:30. IN THE MORNING.

It hurt so bad. My legs, arms, and abs are shaking. The muscles in my back hurt. I wanted to quit, multiple times. But I couldn't. You see, the fitness leaders were working out in front the tide rolling in on a beach, and they were all tan and smiling, and they kept talking about looking graceful in a bikini, so it's not like I could stop. Not with that hanging over my head. I don't even look graceful fully clothed.

This workout targets your entire body, but the parts that are hurting me most are my quads (it's a good thing I've planned to wear flats tomorrow, because there's no way I could walk, much less teach in heels after this!). My arms and back muscles were already sore after Billy Blank's Tae Bo that I did yesterday, but I have a sneaking suspicion I won't be able to hoist my Early American Lit anthology tomorrow. I was doing curls and figure 8s and lifts and all kinds of crazy things with my arms and weights, and there were LOTS of squats involved. LOTS and LOTS of squats. And lunges, and plyo jumps. And balancing. But no smiles on my part, no way. That was totally the trainer's deal. (Maybe if I was working out on a completely tourist-free beach in Mexico, I could smile through a workout, too.)

The best part? It's on Netflix, available as a Watch Instantly selection. It's an exact half-hour workout, so it's perfect for us Lentils.

P.S. I just finished reading a few Amazon reviews, and people were calling this a good workout for your off days. I think that unless you identify more with the Roni's and Mizzes of the world would you call this an "off-day" workout. I can't wait until I'm there with you. But for now? I'm totally fine with a 30 minute workout that will make me unable to climb stairs or lift anthologies.

P.P.S. Lest people think I'm going nuts trying to look like a swimsuit model for some sports magazine, I am not. The swimsuit I'm actually trying to get into looks more like the one the girl second from the right is wearing. But in black. With cute little blue peek-a-boo flowers on the bust to emphasize my decolletage (like it needs emphasizing!) Only a few more inches!!!