Sunday, February 17, 2008

I'm a Maneater, Apparently.

I am, admittedly, a dork. I've actually grown to be proud of this. Unless something goes horribly wrong, I will graduate cum laude (one-hundredth of a point away from magna cum laude, I shit you not), I'm in foreign language societies and literature societies and in the honors student association. My idea of a date is playing Scrabble on the floor. I have more books than I've shoes, clothes, and panties combined. I am not, then, the kind of woman that displays any kind of prowess on the dance floor, much less in her own apartment, which is why my boyfriend laughed when I told him I wanted to belly dance. I called him while he was at work, at Best Buy (He's a Geek Squad Agent--and the dorkfest continues...) and told him of this sudden impulse for sexiness. When he realized I was serious and was able to contain his snickers, he told me to come on up to the store and we'd look at what they had (I'm not too sure why he needed to look with me, but I think he just wanted to see if I was serious or not). So I got there, armed with resolve and marching in flip-flops. He showed me the fitness DVD section and we searched for belly dance. And searched. And searched some more. We saw none. And that's when my boyfriend pointed out Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease DVD collection.

Yes. Collection.

5 DVDs of Striptease and Smut. Which, of course, I purchased posthaste I drove home immediately to learn my new skill. But which should it be, which DVD should I try first? Aerobic Striptease? Fit to Strip? Would I be brave enough to try Advanced Aerobic Striptease? Or should I jump straight to The Lap Dance? Maybe as a cool-down, I could work on Hip-Hop.

I was unsurprising and started with Disc 1: Aerobic Striptease. And while my new friend Carmen is as giggly and superficial as her boobs are perky and manufactured, she's hot. And she knows how to be hot, dance hot, and, well, striptease in a fashion that is, of course, hot. I'm not as flexible as Carmen Electra, nor can I be as seductive as Carmen Electra, but I don't actually intend to become a stripper. And when I showed my Geek-Squad boyfriend a taste of my new bedroom talents, well, he was glad Carmen Electra is out there to share her gifts.


Annie said...

Hey Ashley-

Sounds like a great way to get some exercise and learn a little something in the process!

I tagged you for a Meme. If you want to participate, details are on my latest post.

Sally Parrott Ashbrook said...

I took a striptease class at a local place and LOVED it! :)